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    The Enneagram Triads

    *I am an Enneagram enthusiast. It has impacted my life in profound ways, and I hope you will benefit from its teaching as well. Please always refer to the experts (an Enneagram teacher, certified coach, or counselor) — they know best! Also, check out The Enneagram Institute for a great online resource about the Triads. You can also read my posts here and here if you’re  new to The Enneagram.*

     

    I love the complexity that The Enneagram offers in explaining who we are. After all, it’s logical that our human-ness can’t be explained away in a nice, neat list. We are messy and seemingly inconsistent, so making sense of how and who we are is complex, too!

    One of the most fascinating aspects of The Enneagram is how the numbers all relate to one another in Wings and Arrows — and Triads. Some people also refer to these as “Centers.”

    The Enneagram’s nine types can be broken down into three groups. The three Triads are referred to as Gut/Instinct, Heart/Emotion, and Head/Reason. Although many teachers use these names to refer to the Triads, I like to talk about them in terms of their Dominant Emotion because I find that the Dominant Emotion is what people most easily relate to.

    So what is a Dominant Emotion? Simply put, each group of numbers has a major struggle with a particular emotion: Anger, Shame or Fear. Of course everyone experiences all three of these emotions, but people have a very intense relationship with the Dominant Emotion of their Triad. The main, overarching struggle woven throughout most of the issues a person has can usually be distilled down to that Triad’s Dominant Emotion.

    Each number has it’s own unique way of dealing with this integral emotion:

    The Anger Triad (8-9-1)

    8s openly express their Anger — raising their voices, getting worked up or becoming physical.

    9s deny that they are angry and push it down for as long as possible.

    1s internalize their Anger in an attempt to remain in control.

    The Shame Triad (2-3-4)

    Pretty much all three numbers in The Shame Triad try to create feelings of worthiness to rid themselves of their deep-seeded Shame: 

    2s make themselves feel valuable by helping others.

    3s compensate with success, attention and accolades.

    4s focus on their unique qualities.

    The Fear Triad (5-6-7)

    5s fear of the world around themselves (misunderstanding it or being intruded upon by it), so tend to become isolated.

    6s fear unpredictability and are thus always on guard and seeking security.

    7s fear their inner emotions and try to ignore them through external excitement.

    In reality, people deal with their Dominant Emotion in very complex ways. So because the synopses above are simple, view them as starting point to process your Dominant Emotion.

    You’ll notice that 3, 6 and 9 are in the centers of each Triad. These numbers are thought to identify with the Triad’s Dominant Emotion the most deeply — but can also be the most out of touch/in denial about that emotion. (Experiencing a negative emotion intensely can result in denial as a function of self-preservation.) To make sense of this, remember that the wings for each of those numbers, no matter with side they lean to, are also within that Triad. For example, a 2w1 mainly struggles with Shame, but also leans into the Anger Triad in their second personality layer (Wing). But a Three only leans into the Shame of a Two or a Four — double Shame. (Lucky us, Threes!)

    If you’re still struggling to figure out if your number is accurate, try to have an honest conversation with yourself about your Triad’s Dominant Emotion. For me, as a Three, applying the word “Shame” or “Guilt” to many of my internal struggles made a lightbulb go off in my head. Does “Fear” or “Anxiety” or “Stress” explain your motivations? Does “Anger” or “Frustration” impact your actions? Once again, we all experience every one of these emotions, but your Triad’s emotion will be an overarching issue for you.

    Next time we’ll talk about Habits & Challenges for each number and how essential oils can help you along your Enneagram journey!

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    A Quick Guide to the Enneagram

    *I am an Enneagram enthusiast. It has impacted my life in profound ways, and I hope you will benefit from its teaching as well. Please always refer to the experts (an Enneagram teacher, certified coach, or counselor) — they know best!*

    Like I mentioned in the first post in my Enneagram series, The Enneagram is a personality typology based on people’s motivations. Instead of just telling you HOW you are, it reveals WHY you are the way you are. There are nine personality types in The Enneagram. 

    The different motivations/types in The Enneagram are referred to by their numbers (“I am a Three”) and oftentimes by a descriptive title (“I am an Achiever.”) Different Enneagram Teachers use different names based on that teacher’s preference, but they’re all similar.

    I tend to think of the Enneagram types as colors because although many people are the same number, each person’s motivations play out differently. In color terms, this means all Fours may be blue — but “blue” could be navy, teal, cerulean, sky blue, aqua or midnight. The reason that each person’s number looks different (i.e. not all Threes are CEOs even though all Threes are achievement-oriented) is that the numbers are complex and have many layers. We all begin with the same “color” as determined by our number (blue, e.g.), but then we add other elements to that base. Some of us may add a bit more black or white or green or yellow, and in the end we are our own, unique version of “blue.” 

    These layers of The Enneagram are:

     *Wings

    *Arrows

    *Dominant Instinct

    *Level of Health

    I know these terms sound odd, but they offer some great insight into who we are and why we do the things we do. Let’s take a look at the layers of The Enneagram so maybe it will sound less crazy!

    *There are a TON of resources out there on all of the following information. I always refer people to The Enneagram Institute because it’s online and comprehensive. MOST OF THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION IS CONDENSED FROM THEIR SITE with a few spins of my own, so please go visit and support them! “The Road Back to You” is a great resource!*

    Your Number

    There are nine numbers that express the reason WHY you act how you do. 

    1 (Principled Perfectionist) – principled, purposeful, self-controlled, perfectionistic

    2 (Empathetic Helper) – generous, demonstrative, people-pleasing, possessive

    3 (Adaptable Achiever) – adaptable, excelling, driven, image-conscious

    4 (Creative Individualist) – expressive, dramatic, self-absorbed, temperamental

    5 (Independent Investigator) – perceptive, innovative, secretive, isolated

    6 (Security-Seeking Loyalist) – engaging, responsible, anxious, suspicious

    7 (Enthusiastic Dreamer) – spontaneous, versatile, acquisitive, scattered

    8 (Confident Challenger) – self-confident, decisive, willful, confrontational

    9 (Easy-Going Peacemaker) – receptive, reassuring, complacent, resigned

    Each number has its own strengths and weaknesses (“high sides” and “low sides”).

    I feel like it’s important to verbalize that most people only see the low sides of their own number and oftentimes feel that another number’s grass is greener. But, the reality is that we are who we are, and all the numbers’ characteristics are necessary to create a fully-functioning world.

    Think of your number as your basic color — your nice, neutral, medium “blue,” for example.

    These NUMBERS are “SHADED” (influenced) by WINGS, ARROWS, INSTINCTS, and (most importantly) LEVEL OF HEALTH. 

    Wings

    On either side of your number there are two numbers (234, 918, etc.), which are called “wings.” You most likely will find that you may lean toward one or the other’s characteristics. 

    For me, as a Three, my wings could be a Two (Empathetic Helper) or Four (Creative Individualist). If you know me even one bit, you automatically know my wing is a Four (so strongly, in fact, that I had to work through whether or not I am a Four — but I’ll post about that at a later date). The shorthand for saying “I’m Three with a Four wing” is simply to write “3w4.” (So, for example, a Nine with a One wing would be a 9w1. You’re smart. You get the idea.)

    Now, simply because you have a dominant wing doesn’t mean that you can’t lean both ways. There are times, even though my wing is a strong Four, that I find myself leaning toward a Two (usually trying to help other people with something creative, even when they don’t want the help haha!). Many teachers will say that a balanced individual will feel as if they have two equal wings on either side of their number. However,  most people identify strongly with one wing over the other.

    That being said, you may not lean toward another number. I have several friends who look on either side of their number and don’t feel a strong identity with either wing. I will say that, in my personal experience, many times I do see characteristics of those friends’ wings in their actions, even when they don’t. So, perhaps, if you don’t feel a strong identity with either wing, consider that maybe you’re more balanced and have a little of each wing (which makes you feel like neither is dominant). Go, you!

    Think of your wing as moving you to one side or the other of your color’s spectrum — toward light blue or toward navy.

    Arrows (Stress + Security)

    Each number takes on characteristics of certain other numbers depending on whether the person is in a situation where they feel STRESSED or SECURE. (Enneagram Teachers refer to the Arrows under all sorts of different names, so even if you see this concept referred to as “Direction of Disintegration” and “Direction of Growth,” for example, don’t be freaked out. It’s all the same stuff.)

    This can feel a bit confusing if you’re new to The Enneagram. I think about it like this: You probably know someone who would say, “I am the nicest person you’ll meet. I love everyone! I’m a sweet as pie. BUT if you mess with the people I love, and I will cut you.” Really what this person is saying is, “I’m a Two — I love to help others and live for connecting with people. But when I’m under Stress because you’re messing with the thing that matters most to me in life (my people) I act like an Eight with fierce anger/aggression/dominance.”

    In many ways, your Stress Arrow points to the low side of a number that represents the opposite of your natural personality; your Security Arrow points to the high side of a number that reinforces the best of your personality traits.

    For me as a Three, my Stress Arrow points to a Nine. As productive + efficiency-minded as I am, when I face something overwhelmingly emotional or uncontrollable cannot do anything other than lay in bed for a day. It literally feels like I’m not myself —  yet it doesn’t feel totally foreign, just temporarily “off.” The low side of a Nine is what my close friend calls “sloth-ing” (a term I love and have whole-heartedly adopted). I totally sloth sometimes, even though it’s literally the opposite of my natural personality.

    Once you’ve wrapped your head around how the Stress Arrow plays out in your life — there’s more. In theory, since you take on the characteristics of another number when under Stress, you have the ability to access the high or low side of that number. You choose. 

    So, since one high side of a Nine is the ability to play the mediator, although I don’t naturally take on that role, I am working on trying to access that ability in me when I am under Stress instead of slothing. It’s helpful to realize that, with work, you can be your best under Stress by fighting for that high side. However, I also believe that how healthy your number is (we’ll get to that in a bit) has a profound impact on whether or not you actually feel like you can access that high side while under Stress. (I’m still working on it for sure!)

    On the opposite end, as a Three, my Security Arrow points to Six. The high side of a Six is being “fully committed to others.” In the seasons when I’ve felt the most secure in who I am and where I’m going, I’ve found myself with the most peaceful ability to support others around me — particularly when I’m in a healthy Enneagram spot.

    Think of your Arrows as adding tones to your color based on whether you feel stressed or secure — making it slightly more warm or cool.

    Find your number on the two Arrow charts below. Then click here to read about the characteristics of the numbers you go to under Stress and under Security.

    4. Dominant Instinct

    Everyone is hard-wired biologically with many basic instincts. The Enneagram recognizes three main instincts that impact your number:

    *Self-Preservation

    *Chemistry 

    *Social

    Although everyone has all three instincts, people tend to prioritize one of the three. This instinct is your Dominant Instinct — your first priority in life. I like to use a theoretical party as the best way to figure out which instinct you value the most…

    Self-preservation in this context means prioritizing the preservation your self, your body, your life and your functionality. Self-Preservation folks’ main thought is “Do I have enough [energy/money/health/stuff] to go the distance?”

    In the party scenario, if, as the event went on late into the night, you excused yourself because you “always go to bed by ten because you need at least eight hours of sleep, and it’s 9:30 ohmygosh,” you may identify with the Self-Preservation Instinct. Self-Preservation folks will not sacrifice their own needs just to stand around and chat at a party. People who prep or hoard or spend lots of time working on their health might also fall under this category.

    Chemistry refers to the intensity of experiencing things around us, about connection. (“Chemistry” as my own personal term because this is my own Instinct, even though the proper term is “Sexual” — which is, well, awkward, haha!) Technically the Chemistry Instinct is the focus of  “for extending ourselves in the environment and through the generations,” to which most people (including myself) respond: HUH?

    In the party scenario, it means that you are seeking out individuals with whom you have, well, good chemistry. You are happiest at a party if the energy is good and everything’s “bumping.” You’d probably prefer to leave the party on a high note rather than be the last one there to watch the lights come on and the magic fade. No one likes a dud of a party, but those of us with the Chemistry Instinct seek out those relationships and situations where everything just clicks.

    Social is the desire “to create long-reaching, large networks of connectivity.” (Read: herd mentality.) People with this Instinct may value having a lot of relationships that are longterm, even if they’re not the deepest or closest or perfect fit.

    At the party, the Social Instincts people make sure to talk to everyone and will definitely be the last one to go home! If you still casually keep up with friends from long ago despite being far away and inconvenient, you probably are a Social Instinct. The same thing goes if you find yourself as a part of many different social circles instead of one tight-knit group.

    Once again, the cool thing is that your number influences the way you approach your Dominant Instinct. Combining your Enneagram type with your Dominant Instinct produces a much more specific portrait of your personality, or Subtype. As a Three with a Chemistry Instinct, I am always looking for creative projects to work on with a Dream Team. Your specific number combined with your specific Instinct will look completely different!

    Think of your Dominant Instinct as adding vibrancy to your color — making it more muted, more intense, or more mid-range.

    5. Level of Health

    Once you’re officially obsessed with The Enneagram (it will happen), you’ll most likely run into other people with your same number. You might think, “I know we’re the same number, but they just seem better somehow…” Most likely,  you’re interacting with someone who has good Enneagram health.

    Just like your physical body, your mental/spiritual self has a particular Level of Health. Everyone falls somewhere on a continuum of healthy —> average —> unhealthy. The interesting thing is that each number shows different characteristic under the Levels of Health (also called “Levels of Development”). The healthiest Seven is going to look totally different than the healthiest Four, despite their Level of Health being the exact same. Because they’re totally motivated by different things! 

    If you want to be the best version of yourself (the healthiest version of your number), I believe you have to first know where you land on the health spectrum + then work toward a higher level. The Enneagram Institute actually breaks down the Levels of Health/Development into nine segments for each number. I found this profoundly helpful in giving myself an honest evaluation of where I landed on the Three spectrum. I literally found adjectives people had used to describe me (good and bad) to find my starting point. I would highly recommend doing the same for yourself.

    It’s also important to note that a person typically lands somewhere on the spectrum overall, but you may feel like you bounce around the continuum a bit (even daily). I mean, no one has an even-keeled, uneventful life all the time! And, as you’re working toward being the healthiest version of you, it’s not necessarily a straight line. Expect some zigzagging — life is messy after all!

    Think of your Dominant Instinct as the pigment/opacity of your color — the quality of how transparent (weak) or opaque (strong) it is.

    {I know what you’re probably thinking: Great! I want to be a healthier version of my number. But HOW? I promise we’ll talk a little bit more next week on Instagram and here about each number and some ways you can begin to work toward being the healthiest you possible!}

    But before we get there, in my next post, we’ll talk about how the numbers are related to one another in “The Triads.”

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    New to the Enneagram? Start here!

    *I am an Enneagram enthusiast. It has impacted my life in profound ways, and I hope you will benefit from its teaching as well. Please always refer to the experts (an Enneagram teacher, certified coach, or counselor) — they know best!*

    FIND YOUR ENNEAGRAM NUMBER!

    The Enneagram is a personality typology based on people’s motivations. Instead of just telling you HOW you are (e.g. “an extrovert”), it reveals WHY you are the way you are (e.g. “I crave being around people because I equate attention with love”).

    There are nine Enneagram types, which are denoted by numbers (1-9). The numbers are interrelated in a bunch of fascinating ways, but before we get too far along, you have to find YOUR number!

    Try one of my favorite FREE online Enneagram tests:

    https://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/evaltest 

    https://www.exploreyourtype.com/details

     

    I KNOW MY NUMBER, SO NOW WHAT?

    Knowing your basic number is the first step in uncovering The Enneagram. Once you’ve taken a test, the next step is obvious: Learn as much as you can about your number. 

    There are a gazillion resources out there, and although the core information is common, the personality of each Enneagram expert is a bit different. I find that a good, comprehensive online resource is The Enneagram Institute. (Just click on your number and read up!) There are also a number of wonderful books out there like this one and this one. If you’re into podcasts, search “Enneagram” and listen to a few until one resonates with you. (I am OBSESSED with Typology personally. #ianmorgancronforlife) Basically, browse around until you find a voice in The Enneagram space that talks to you.

    As you’re reading about the number the test assigned to you, ask yourself: Does this information sound like me? In my personal experience, seeing my inner motivations (some of which I was unaware of, some of which I had never put into words) written down for the first time was HORRIBLE. I felt vulnerable, embarrassed, and exposed. It’s pretty common to find your number, focus only on the negative things you read about it, and automatically think, “No way — that’s not me. I don’t seek out attention! (I’m looking at you, fellow Threes.)” It’s totally understandable and normal. Most likely, it is You, just not the You you’d like to believe you are. And that’s okay. It gets better, I promise! 

    That being said, there are cases where the test didn’t pin down your type accurately. So if you truly, honestly, deep down feel like you don’t identify with what the information says about your number, read up a bit on the other eight types and see if one rings true for you. The Enneagram Institute has a really cool page called “Misidentifications.” Once you find your true number, use this resource to understand the commonalities and reasons the numbers might get confused.

    Another interesting tip if you’re waffling about your true number: You can kinda’ double check yourself using another great Enneagram Institute resource, “Relationships (Type Combinations).” Click on the number of your spouse, significant other, or someone close to you. The first half will be strengths of the relationship; the second half will be the weaknesses. Once again, reading things about your relationship can be uncomfortable, but it can also solidify that your number is accurate. Are there truths listed there (even if you don’t like them)?

    A helpful next step after learning about your inner motivation is to learn about others’. Engage others about their Enneagram numbers. Read up on the other numbers. Start asking around if other people know their Enneagram type. What has been their experience with it? Has it rung true? What have they learned about themselves? Are their things under their number that they don’t identify with? Struggle with?

    I never considered myself entirely UNempathetic, but now as soon as someone tells me their number, I have a very genuine starting point to understanding why they think/say/do the things they do. And once we understand that, for example, our spouse is literally wired AGAINST routine and never will be a 9-5er (#truestory, Sevens), we can begin to understand the “why” behind the behaviors that drive us crazy. And knowing is half the battle. Or something like that. 😉

    Let’s be transparent: It took a hot second for me to deal with my own Enneagram typing. (In fact, it’s been a year, and it feels like I’m still scratching at the surface.) However, with each realization and admission about my motivations, I’m becoming a healthier Three, and a big part of that journey has been talking to others about my own actions. Ask those closest to you for some honest feedback. It’s not always pleasant (or never pleasant, it seems, haha!), but the reality is that we have to face ourselves — the good and the bad — in order to know who we’re really dealing with inside. I personally have found that honest feedback is hard to come by, so ease your friends and family into speaking candid truth to you. Take it all gracefully and gently, especially when it’s something you don’t believe about yourself. It may take some time to realize that they’re right or to figure out why you’ve given them that impression without meaning to.

    After you’ve gotten that honest feedback, it’s time to take a good look in the mirror. Find a starting point within yourself and then figure out where you want to go from here.The work of The Enneagram (that is, challenging the crummy side and fostering the good side of our natural personality) has to be done by you. In fact, only you can do it. It will be hard, but it will be worthwhile. Of that I’m sure.

    Next we’ll talk about The Enneagram’s many layers. Your personality is more than just a simple number — in fact your number is just the start! So, if something you’ve read about your number doesn’t add up, be sure to read the upcoming post, “A Quick Guide to the Enneagram.”

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